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Thursday, 27 April 2017

A modest proposal. Solutions to the grophet overpopulation problem

On Rishi, players are able to observe what happens when things get out of hand

Star Wars: the Old Republic's latest update, 5.2, had one nasty surprise in stock: the tier 4 command crates have a chance to drop... fiery grophet pets. It is no secret that I despise these repugnant little creatures. They remind me of handbag dogs that constantly get spoiled with food by their owners "because they're so cute", or - in the best case - of the final destination of guinea pigs during a Peruvian guinea pig festival (do check out that link if you aren't familiar with this event): on a plate. Indeed, there is a peculiar similarity between the roasted guinea pigs and fiery grophets. Surely this is more than a coincidence; this is fate!

If only cooking was a crafting profession in SWTOR...
(Picture to the bottom right by Shintar)

But I don't need to explain the revolting nature of these critters: their hideous appearance speaks for itself. So naturally, when I find a fiery grophet in a command crate, my eyes light up, and with an explosive expression of joy I exclaim: "Oooh yeah! DISINTEGRATE!!" *insert cackling Dalek noise here*

However, Shintar of Going Commando has a different approach:
"I hit disintegrate on a grophet and immediately felt a terrible jolt of guilt. It doesn't really make sense. I don't worry about what an uncomfortable life these creatures must lead, being stashed away between armour pieces and companion gifts inside of crates that mysteriously appear out of thin air. But when you ask me to take action myself, to actively destroy them... I suddenly feel bad."
Since she cannot get herself to disintegrate them, Shintar is considering opening a Home for Fiery Grophets. And because I'm not totally unreasonable, and such a course would fit my light side V sage better (role-play wise), I can support this thought.

A possible solution: send your grophets to Shintar!

Meanwhile, the problem stands: players in tier 4 will get showered with the undoubtedly highly nutricious fiery grophets for eternity. What is your solution to this dilemma? Let me know in a comment or vote in the Twitter poll.

11 comments :

  1. Clearly the pets from Tier V should be Orokeets. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm strongly opposed to more tiers of galactic command grind.

      Wait... did you say free orokeets for all my alts? Bring it on, devs!

      Delete
  2. Guinea pigs getting cooked make me a bit sad too... but then, I'm quite aware that one person's pet is another person's food in various parts of the world, so it's not really much of a shock.

    I never realised before that your blog has a "Super serious" tag... XD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad to read you're not scarred for life and can appreciate my creative solutions to the grophet overpopulation problem.

      I am not often this serious, but when I am, I have a tag at the ready. :)

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. You'll hear no disagreement from me. Especially Spermophilus Richardsonii is adorable.

      Delete
  4. Oh well. I won't mention to you that we've had several gerbils and hamsters....

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    Replies
    1. I must point out to you that critters that don't resemble fat walking meatballs on sticks are tolerated. Your gerbils and hamsters are safe... for now.

      Delete
  5. Peregrine falcons might be worth introducing to the game = humane natural method although red in tooth & claw.

    On a side note: Been taking a break from SWTOR after discovering that Elara Dorne isn't really bothered about her trooper husband. Even deleted a new level 65 trooper that I made to meet Elara. Dislike intensely what has happened with companions since Zakuul caused problems. Just a few amusing remarks but no real interaction. Gone building in Hyperborea = Conan Exiles.

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    Replies
    1. I like your peregrine falcon proposal! In fact, you rarely see any birds in the SWTOR landscape (apart from the occasional player owned orokeet). It's kind of uncanny.

      I still have to do Iokath on my trooper (just finished playing through the whole of KOTFE and KOTET to get there), so I can't comment on that yet. I was disappointed on how there barely was any interaction with Elara when my sage chose to go Republic, though. Poorly done if you compare it to, say, the Eric Jorgan chapter (which was excellent imo).

      Delete
    2. Agree about the lack of birds in SWTOR - weird. Eric Jorgan chapter was great one and he even had some good lines for non-troopers, but nothing happened after that for those like my partner who married him. I had a weird reaction on my female bounty hunter who rejected Torian and in the end had a fling with Lana. Torian behaved as if I was his wife and Lana dumped me - then nothing. Maybe the solution is drinking with Nico instead.

      Delete

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